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Post details Post   (Contract pics)
CaptainVertigo
2009-04-02 00:30:08
"Bear Necessities" from CaptainVertigo Contract pics
Picture: Bear Necessities (Contract pics)

Unbearable Grills – The Full Irish
(Part One) Bond Slaves of SKY TV in possession of The Discovery Channel will have noticed the recent arrival on our western shores of one Bear Grills (Tuesdays 10pm). Sensing that the ex-Special Forces survivalist might well tread terrain dear to my bosom, I cleared my heirs from the room and gave the aging superman full attention. Eschewing prosaic modes of transit, Grills emerged from the Atlantic standing bolt upright on a high speed inflatable heading straight for a cliff. The hoped for grisly fusion of man and rock failed to materialise as Bear, his camera crew, cook , make-up lady and several others, leapt from the craft and bobbed about in what turned out to be a dissapointingly tranquil sea. Bear breathlessy estimated the likely timeframe for the onset of hypothermia but failed to give nature a chance to take its course. Instead, he hauled himself onto the nearest rocky precipice. He nimbly ascended the half of it, before spotting a deep and narrow inlet of sea beneath him whereupon, as one does, he dived in, head first, before clambering back up the cliff. Throughout all of this immersion his clothes remained miraculously dry. Within minutes our hero spotted a rotting seal whose eyes had been consumed by maggots. Not content to merely stab the deceased in a fruitless search for blubber, Bear then cooked a stew of protazoan sea creatures from surrounding rock pools and used his sock to strain the juice, before frying the hapless maggots and downing the lot. I thought I heard the make-up lady squeal off camera: perhaps it was the mother of all maggots in existential agony?
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